How to Rescue Your Dating Life in Your Late 20s

How to Rescue Your Dating Life in Your Late 20s

So we get to the bar and it’s pretty dead, there’s someone drinking at the bar and I’m guessing they worked there or something like that.  So I bought our round of drinks and we sat on a couch that were a prop from many a snuff and/or children’s daytime television show.  Anyway, my date and I continued talking and drinking and, at this point, the alcohol has changed the complexion of our date, slightly.  Chemistry was forming where there was none before.  Isn’t that always how things work out? My date excuses herself to the ladies room.  I’m drinking my Hendricks and look around the place. I think to myself, “Wow, the owner really spruced the place up,” noting the many changes to this once divy bar, which was bordering on the hip and chique.  I stare at a wall that has a movie being projected on to it. The movie, to be clean about it, was of two dudes getting it on. Yes, people it was some gay porn on the walls.  My date comes out and sees my marvelled look and says, “I’d be in awe of a penis that big, too!” We both had a good laugh about it all, as I noticed a bouncer set up and weight down a couple of stripper polls and some mood lighting.  I thought that things would take a turn for the interesting, at that point and so they did. More individuals started filtering in and there were a lott of guys, little dudes… a lot of them. In order to confirm, my date asks a waitress if there was clearly anything special going on and the waitress said “Gay Night.”  I mean, yeah, it was pretty obvious by this point, if the porn on the walls wasn’t enough of an indicator. We stick around for a bit and people watch as we have our drinks.

There were some “top” personalities dancing ’round the floor, so it was very entertaining.  I go to look after the tab, at the bar when these two guys offer to get me a shot, they insisted, so I took it.  They looked like average ordinary fellows and such, and as I waited for my tab (it had gotten quite busy) we had a nice conversation.  I noticed that these guys were very interested in what I had to say and made feel very smart by laughing at my jokes. These people were also interesting to speak with. I think these people were employing some tricks from that show ‘The Mentalist’ because I felt like the most interesting guy in the room. That’s when it hit me.  THIS IS WHAT I DO, WHEN I’M OUT IN THE BARS AND TRYING TO DO A “PICK UP!”  Oh these guys were good, if I’d had a “Peppermint Pattie” as opposed to a “Twinkie” these guys might have been on to something.  I paid up my tab and went on my way.  Them gay fellows know how to make a boy feel special. In all it was an odd date, still, though, no sparks to be had.

The experience just serves to be an example: You never know what you’re gonna get.  Forrest, you’re such a wise ass. Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook1Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Dates & Details Tagged in: bad date, dates, Dating, For Men, Relationships Trying a relationship more than once? I have a padded wall you can smack your mind against, if you prefer. The Urban Dater fields another question from the “Ask Us” inbox. Today’s is a doozy too!

With that, kids, here goes… “I met a man who said he wasn’t ready after his divorce proceedings to be in a relationship…i believe this to be the truth. We kept talking and sort of sideways stepped into a relationship (he kept calling me, not the reverse) and he announced one day he had “surrendered to me”….of course a few months later he broke up with me saying he really couldn’t be in a relationship with anyone…again there was truth to this. I’m struggling to have over this dude…in all total honesty, I’ve never ever liked anyone like this before…EVER. I would like to release all hope. If you tell me I should, I will, but my killer hope will NOT DIE that someday, somehow, with a few planets moved around here and there, that individuals can do this AGAIN and work out it work. I still want him BADLY damn it.…  “ Without light, how would we eve appreciate the dark? Without good, how would you know that evil was… well, evil? When you realize there is no hope that is when you begin a journey and in that journey you find yourself and a healthier dose of what you’re seeking. Hope. For any chance of this to work, you’ve got to walk away and thus does he. I hate to bring up that poem about letting something go and in case it comes back its co-dependent, if it doesn’t it was a fucking asshole in the first place. No one likes that poem and in case they did they might be a jerk.

You’ve Got to Have Friends…

A well-trained dancer needn’t tell you about how amazing they are at what they do; they needn’t tell you how smooth they are in-step, from a single go on to the next. All a dancer need do is merely to dance. This guy of yours; homeboy needs to “dance.” He’s failed you in this sense.

The way you’ve written and asked your question indicates to me that you’re a nurturing and possessed of great empathy. Knock it off! What I’m getting at is whatever this guy’s issues might be, whether it’s divorce, trust, explosive erectile dysfunction it ain’t got a damn thing to do with you. Nada. I know you want to reach out and be there for him as he figures himself out and what his life means and who he is. I think that’s the nature of a good many women. He has a lot of work to accomplish on himself, which can be great for him and bad for you because he’s only left you crestfallen and on his “hook.” By keeping him in your life, even simply talking to this guy, does him absolutely NO favors. None! In addition does little for you other than having your heart tugged at for some glimmer of hope. He needs to heal and to do that he needs to be on his own and the same goes for you. The reason is your journey is not parallel to his, you each have your own strategy to use. As re-read this, I realize this all very likely reads as a mountain of clichés. I suppose it does so I want to provide an example. I met my girlfriend over a year ago, we’ve dated two different times.

The first time we dated she it was a lot of fun with a great girl, but it wasn’t enough for her. She wanted more and I wasn’t ready. I told her that I wasn’t ready and that it was best to stop dating and so we stopped. There were no phone conversations, texts or any random hookups. We were done. It took me several months to figure out what I wanted and that what I had was a good thing. With that realization in my pocket I went and “got” my girl. I was lucky. She might have fallen for some other guy… You have to move on and stay completely free of this guy. You’ll find someone else, maybe you won’t, but you gotta extinguish this candle you’re holding for him. He may come back to you, he may not. Life is too short to go chasing “what ifs.” Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook1Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Self, Sex, Tips & Advice Tagged in: ask the urban dater, exes, love, Relationships You know that I’m a fan of technology and I’m especially a fan of service providers that work to bring singles offline for some face-to-face connection.

Enter Stef and the City. I was recently approached by Stef Safran, of Stef and the City, a Chicago based networking guru and self-styled “recessionista matchmaker,” to talk about what she’s doing in the world of dating and match making. The lady is a force and may work a room, thus I was eager to hear her out. Stef is a networking professional first and foremost, but she realized that her networking connections could be used for the purposes of installing singles. Having checked out her site, which can be an evolution in progress, it’s clear that she has a vision to simply help successful singles meet other like-minded singles. Stef Safran Some of the services provided by Stef and the City are Matchmaking for people looking to date and have fun Provides a forum for professionals to find networking events and even uses her personal network to find the right people, and matches, to introduce to her clients Stef as well as the City prepares A social events calendar and tailor it to suit their client’s interests and needs. This is one of the more effective how to get people motivated to meet up with one another. Arranges for trips for singles and often includes discounts on popular items and gift bags, too. Monday Morning Jolt is Stef’s answer to Groupon… without Groupon, which features weekly offers and discounts to fans of Stef and the City. Not too shabby, if I do say so myself. They definitely provide a large swath of services and take great care to screen their clients and the people they bring together because of their singles and networking events. For more details, have a look at Stef and the City. Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading…

Share This Article Facebook9Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Dating Sites, Featured Tagged in: singles mixers, stef and the city One thing that men dread, with regards to their beloved woman’s wardrobe needs, is shopping. Shopping usually requires a good deal of patience yet not a lot of fun got men. Women on the other hand make shopping into a artistic expression that is experienced as an exhilarating transformation, which is a process to participate in and reap its benefits later. There are ways to produce her shopping experience yours too. Image Source: Plan Your Shopping Experience A shopping trip may be planned in a way that benefits both you and her.

The Kid Conundrum

Writing a shopping list can make clear what she really needs and save you from a hopeless never ending journey of lust for items she will never wear. This list should also have items unrelated to fashion so the shopping process may be broken down to different stages so an hour of utility shopping may be implemented in the shopping mayhem. Choose Unisex Stores There are frankly stores or stores with both mens – and womenswear, which can be ideally where you would want to go. In this manner you go to the stores/departments you are interested in you are not only separated for a while, but you likewise have the option to simply sit down and relax or test a video game that you were planning on buying anyway. Bring Utilities There are so many utilities that can help survive such a shopping trip. For instance, bringing an iPod and having some headphones is a great idea when your girlfriend wonders in to a huge mall with never ending isles and rows of clothing. Girls usually don’t mind walking on looking for clothes alone as long as they can get a relatively honest opinion when they need it, so listening to music and audio books can be a great way to kill time. Smartphones are usually a great utility, as they likewise have games to them along with internet access.

Set A Timeframe After planning a shopping timeline, set a timeframe by for instance planning either lunch, or better yet a dinner appointment or a movie date. This not only limits the time spent on shopping, but is also a positive reminder for her to look forward to. Enjoy Your Time Together Most women want their men to come along because they appreciate the input, effort, and the company, so make use of this knowledge while making her happy. She will be keen on making you happy in return by preparing your favorite meal or maybe even putting up with friends and family and your football fetish. Moreover, as you are getting to know what she likes, view the shopping experience as foreplay or even an inspiration for gifts. Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook1Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Relationships Tagged in: Dating, relationship advice, romance, shopping Hmmm… yaaaaawn… You’ve made the decision to be single because a serious relationship is not on every girls agenda. But what happens after you’ve made that decision? The following tips will help you retain your sanity, avoid crushing other people’s feelings and still have as much fun as possible while casual dating. 1. Claim your status – Whenever anyone asks if you’re ready to settle down or enter a serious relationship you should always say, “No, I do not want a relationship.” Don’t mince words. A solid and definitive answer to this question will avert major misunderstandings later. Make your position, on relationships, known to your friends and family. It is critical to avoid any indecision in this area. Don’t send mixed signals. 2. Use an alias – There’s no need to give your real name to some one that you do not intend to know more than one week.

Don’t use your actual business cards either. Spend a few bucks on new cards printed with your alias and a disposable phone number. If you don’t feel comfortable using an alias or if you’re afraid you might forget what you renamed yourself – you could always use your nickname. 3. Get a backup phone – Don’t give Mr. now your real phone number. Get another disposable cellphone and use it for anyone you meet while in the casual dating zone. To avoid an embarrassing situation, you’ll need to be sure you turn off the ringer on your primary phone during the date. 4. Create distance – Never bring casual dates to your home, work or introduce them to any of your real friends.

Casual, in cases like this, means temporary and that is the method that you should treat them. 5. Regarding Sex – Only become intimate if you can say, “I’m fine with never seeing or hearing using this person again.” Casual sex may be great but cannot make an effort to convert your casual date into your new mate. The main element to casual dating is not getting emotionally attached. After intimacy, don’t linger, get dressed and leave immediately without saying goodbye. Okay, you need to use your best judgment about the goodbye part. Of course, by following these five tips you’ll have revealed virtually nothing real about yourself to your date. Don’t worry, this wont be a problem if you only see them once or twice. Why? Because, in this case, casual means temporary and you’ll be on to the next one. Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook5Tweet0Pin1 Posted in: Tips & Advice Tagged in: Casual Dating, Dating, women This fine line can only be drawn by the 2 people (or nonetheless many) involved. Period.

Male sexual dominance and misogyny are not mutually exclusive. When a couple enjoys to have unadulterated rough sex, it does not mean they hate each other or like to see the other get hurt.  In fact, most healthy couples who enjoy being subdued love each other very much and now have arranged clear communication on how to signal their limits. Also, I would like to note that the use of certain words is also relative to the sender/receiver.  Some people enjoy being called a slut or a whore, to those people it’s just like being called a “dirty girl”.   We have been the ones who give words meanings.  To me slut just sounds so excellent.  When it’s used, I know it’s not because they love me any less, but because they know I like hearing it and it gets me off, and especially wet.

The BDSM world can teach us volumes on much of this. One of my favorite new networking discoveries is What I love about this site is the power to meet like minded people who have plenty of experience ranging from what the average person would consider light fetishes to fetishes you may not have ever heard of! I’ll bare you the important points for now in the hopes your curiosity will lead you there immediately. Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook1Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Uncategorized Tagged in: lifestyle, Sex Dating is difficult so as I stand at the cusp of turning thirty I thought have you thought to take part in a little social experiment for the benefit of all twenty-something single girls venturing out into this dangerous dating world. Despite my fair share of knock backs, I don’t think that anyone should give up on dating and quest for joyfully ever after. So I set myself the challenge of going on thirty first dates before I turned thirty. Not a easy task by any means but undoubtedly a learning experience.

Top 10 Life Lessons from the 30 Dates before 30 Experiment 1. After an epic break-up, it’s normal to think that life is over or that it’ll never function as same again. But really, life does do not delay – you will feel those butterflies again (probably sooner than you imagine). 2. The rebound guy will likely cause more destruction in your dating life than the ending of any meaningful relationship ever will. 3. You’ll encounter lots of strange people as you play the dating game. Serial killer-types, foot fetishists and people with very very odd sexual preferences (e.g. the dude who told me that he and his partner were on Tinder looking for swinging opportunities). 4. Tinder might be commonly known as the hook-up app but don’t be too quick to judge because you might make a few best friends of it also. You would never believe that your first Tinder crush could turn into your favorite agony uncle somewhere down the line. 5. After about the age of twenty-five, everyone has baggage. Whether it comes in the form of trust issues after having been burnt a few too many times or something more epic like a divorce proceedings and three kids, baggage is something you can’t avoid. The main element is knowing your dating deal breakers on how much of another person’s baggage you are willing to handle.

6. Religious fanatics. Do yourself a favor and prevent dating them. Unless you are one yourself in which case go for it. Believe me, it’ll only end in disaster. 7. Men will do/say anything if they think there was even the slightest chance they could get their leg over. Be clever and use this to your advantage. Let these imbeciles waste their time sending you epic declarations of ‘LOVE’ via WhatsApp and then have fun reading these out loud while getting drunk with your besties. If these Tinder fools want to drive you to the airport during the early hours of the morning because in their silly little minds this means they OWN you, go ahead save yourself the cab fare. 8. Friends.

The actual ones always have your best intentions at heart and will have your back even when you fail to take their advice and end up in tears for the millionth time in the space of a few months. They’ll buy you self-help books, feed you wine, stroke your own hair and tell you things will be better in the morning. Treasure those ones and NEVER ditch them for a love interest. But remember that not everyone is so simple so beware of the frenemies. 9. Despite the lies we tell ourselves life isn’t a fairytale and love isn’t always easy. There are fights, cheating, and general drama to contend with and only the strong survive. People may overshare their pleasure on Facebook but remember their lives aren’t one hundred percent peachy either. Try not to take a lot of notice of all the wedding albums and baby pics on Facebook. It’s totally OK that you’re still living such as a bachelorette at thirty. 10.Single time isn’t going to last forever (unless of course, you’ve given up on love such as a spinster) so make the most of it while you can. Hang out with your friends, date every available bachelor in Cape Town, travel the world and have a few holiday flings and think that when you least expect it your Prince/Princess Charming will materialize. Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox!

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